Giving and Needing

There is a woman named Jen. She is a daughter, sister, wife, and mother of two precious girls. She works full time, cares for her home, her children and her husband. That doesn’t sound so unusual. What is unusual is that this woman keeps going and going like the Energizer Bunny. Not so much by choice, but out of necessity.

About a month ago, the love of Jen’s life, Kevin, suffered a stroke. What made it even worse was the fact that when it happened Jen was not home, not even in town. You see, this woman was visiting a terminally ill friend in Illinois and had left her daughters home with her husband.

The girls woke up around 8:30 am on a Tuesday morning and realized they were late for school. Ashlynn, 10, woke her sister, Danica, 6, and went to see why her dad had not gotten them up for school. What she found astounded her.

There in bed was her father, trying to converse with her, and unable to get up. Ashlynn quickly called her mom’s cell to tell her what happened. The conversation went something like this.

“Mom. Dad didn’t wake us up for school and we are late. He is in bed and he’s talking but it doesn’t make sense. He can’t get out of bed.”

“Hang up and call 911 right now!”  Jen said. That was the start of what Jen hoped was only a nightmare.

Today I had the joy of helping Jen and it felt wonderful.

 The other side of the coin isn’t as nice. Being the person in need of help and asking for or accepting that help is not easy. I wonder why that is? People offer, we hear them, we know they mean it, but it so difficult to say those words, “I need help.”

Finally, after many offers, Jen, my daughter-in-law’s sister, gave in and let me help. For me it was a joyous occasion because she wanted me to meet her daughters when they got off the bus and stay with them until she got home. Definitely not a big deal to me since I love kids, think her girls are darling, and knew I would truly enjoy spending time with them.

I arrived a few minutes before their scheduled bus arrival and waited in the driveway. About five minutes before the bus arrived, Jen called to tell me that Danica, 6, had missed the bus. I would only be greeting Ashlynn, 10, when she got home from school.

I was definitely disappointed that I wouldn’t get that time with Danica too but my time with Ashlynn was an eye opener. I am used to boys, three rambunctious busy boys, all wanting to talk to me at once.

Ashlynn is almost an opposite (at least this experience with her was that way.) She used her key to let us into her home, put her book bag down, took off her coat and went to the kitchen to make herself a snack. I got a kick out of watching her methodical motions as she searched the cupboards for what caught her eye.

She pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn and told me she was going to make it. Having not been around her that often, I wasn’t sure of her abilities but assumed she knew what she was doing. Her long thin fingers pulled the cellophane wrapper away from the bag of popcorn. She laid it on the counter. She read the instructions on the popcorn bag and put it in the microwave. After pushing some buttons she told me she wasn’t really sure what numbers to push on the microwave but she found the popcorn symbol and pushed that. Hoorah Ashlynn! You figured that out on your own.

Ashlynn’s calm demeanor is such a change from my house and my grandsons. It seems we are always in a hurry, cutting corners to get things done quicker. Not Ashlynn. When the microwave was almost done, she opened the door, peered in at the bag and then lifted it out onto the counter. She let it sit there for a couple minutes then meticulously picked at the bag until she got it opened. Once open, she put some popcorn in a bowl, closed the bag, and then picked up the cellophane wrapper to put it in the wastebasket.

We decided that we would watch a movie together. Ashlynn, put the video in and got the television set up (thank goodness she knew how because I sure don’t!) The t.v. volume was so low that I could barely hear any sound. She sat there quietly watching and munching on popcorn. The amazing part of this was that she had the patience and attention to sit and watch all the previews of other movies. No way! Yeah way, she did. All of them.  At my house, we fast forward through them.

In comes Danica with her mom a while later. Now this is what I am used to. A kid who can’t sit on the couch but lays, squirms, or is upside down. This pretty cherubic face doesn’t fit the motions of the active, squirming body.

When we asked her about missing the bus, she let us know in no uncertain terms that this was her “first time” ever missing the bus. Jen and I both said, “I hope it is the last time.” In her defense she explained to us emphatically that last year at least five kids missed the bus. Oh, okay, no big deal then Danica, you only missed it once and out of the whole school last year, five kids missed it.

She is just so darn cute. The eye and face expressions she gave her mother were comical. I had to hide my face so she didn’t see me chuckling. She reminds me so much of Austin, who has “big eyes” like hers. And like, Austin, she could worm into my heart and have her own way without me ever knowing it.

I am blessed with three beautiful, perfect grandsons who light up my life, brighten each day that I get to see them, and make all my worries or bad moods disappear when I am around them.  Since I don't have any granddaughters, being around these two charming girls this afternoon was a delight. Danica is almost a replica of my daughter-in-law, Marissa, and I couldn’t help staring at her and seeing Marissa as a child.

Now that the door is open, I hope Jen will not hesitate to ask us for help again.